You are FAT!

A colleague (while offering me some prunes) whispered loudly, “You’re putting on so much fat”. Now I’m feeling all rotten inside and the smile on my face has disappeared together with any ounce of confidence. The blistering honest comment is like a merciless mirror that mocks at me as I stand naked before it and am forced to acknowledge that I have grown bigger, putting on pounds of blubber around my waist, back, neck and face.

Images from the humiliating The Biggest Loser Asia flash across my tortured mind.

I know I must be thinner, I know I must eat healthily and I know but I must exercise but I also know I love food and want to eat often, I know I have very little desire for exercising (the effort, time taken and resulting pain is very discouraging) and I know my trousers and shirts are getting tight (and it pains me literally to wear them, both physically and emotionally).

It is a perennial problem that I not only have not been able to solve but one that has grown bigger and stronger. How discouraging. How demporalizing. How tiring.

All efforts relying on self-will and determination to do what I know I should (see blog posting on April 1st) last from within a few hours to a few days.

Will I turn into a large, ugly, fat, bouncy hulk of blubber and die from one of the millions of death-producing diseases related to being fat? Will I ever be able to have and keep always a healthy fit body with a BMI of 20 and a lifestyle that includes hours of great exercise daily? I dunno; this old dog is tired of trying and not keen of learning new tricks and changing his lifestyle . . . yet it hurts and feel bad when the reminders (both verbal and emotional) scream mockingly at you “You’re fat”!